Fanboys everywhere were relieved to hear that Brett Ratner wouldn’t get his filthy inept mitts all over the Conan remake. Sadly he’s been replaced with the possibly even more hacktacular Marcus Nispel. For those of you who don’t already know Nispel is the man responsible for ruining the Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre remakes. He also directed the inexplicably awful Pathfinder. There are a lot of fanboys out there who are really excited about this. Is Nispel really better than Ratner? It’s not so much a step up or a step back. It seems more like a step to the side. I can only hope at this point that this project never sees the light of day.

* Is Nispel’s only goal as a director to make shitty versions of other people’s films?

* Who do you want to direct a Conan remake?

Ratner, who has been in the process of “reinventing” the Beverly Hills Cop franchise, recently spoke out about the film saying this:

“It’s a hard R… [and] we’re not going to call it ‘4,’… It will be a new ‘Beverly Hills Cop… There was all this stuff on the Internet and they’d read a script… It’s not the script I’m making… It’s a reinvention… I’m going to reintroduce it to a contemporary audience. I’m going to take the best of the first two films and put it into the new one.”

I don’t know about the rest of you, but does anyone really care what this no talent assclown has to say at this point? This movie is going to be worse than a back alley abortion. Eddie Murphy hasn’t been funny since Bush Sr. was in office and Ratner has yet to put out a quality film. This just seems like a big waste of time for Murphy. If he wants to bring back Axel Foley why not try using a director/writer with a bit of talent. I hear Shane Black makes a pretty good film.

How is it that all significant news that comes up lately is either about sequels or remakes?  And it’s almost never something to get excited about.

So I guess what Brett Ratner does when he’s not looking in the mirror telling himself how awesome he is, is to decide what movie franchise to screw up next.  Turns out he had to make a choice between a new Beverly Hills Cop movie or a new Conan movie.  Of course he chooses the one that I would actually want to see if made by another director: Conan.  $5 says he briefly considered taking the starring role himself.

I mean, it’s not even like the X-Men movies were fantastic or anything, but there’s really no excuse for how bad 3 was, and those horrible CG “young” versions of Patrick Steward and Ian McKellan give me nightmares.  Zak Penn has shown a modicum of talent in the past, he should retroactively make his participation in that pile of crap an Alan Smithee project.

Damn you, Ratner!

This is a quick one.  Brett Ratner has expressed interest in making a Guitar Hero movie.

I have expressed interest in making a movie in which Ratner, Uwe Boll, and Paul W.S. Anderson beat each other with bamboo poles.

You know, for the record.