I don’t even know what to say about this. CG Blood? Yay! Did she just kill someone with her tongue?Geisha Tank! Yay! Vrrroooooooom! Kill Kill Kill!!! Ahhhhh what the fuck! Why did Robo Geisha just split in two and there was no robot?! I’m confused. What the fuck, just what the fuck? I must see this.

Stephen Soderbergh (Oceans Trilogy, The Underneath, Che) is one fantastic filmmaker. I’m not
sure how I feel about the Oceans sequels, but I love the rest of his body of work. It was a nice
surprise to see that The Informant, which I thought was going to be a corporate thriller/drama is
actually a comedy. And damn if it doesn’t look life a funny one. In The Informant the U.S.
government decides to go after an agri-business giant with a price-fixing accusation, based
on the evidence submitted by their star witness, vice president turned informant Mark
Whitacre (Matt Damon). The cast also includes Scott Bakula, Patton Oswalt, Candy Clark,
Joel McHale, and Frank Welker. It’s nice to see Bakula back on the big screen. Check out
the trailer below.

*Welker has worked in nearly 600 projects since 1967, including being the voice of
Megatron in 44 episodes of The Transformers animated series.

1. Street Fighter : The Legend of Chun Li

In trying to right the wrong that was done with Van Damme’s 1994 version of the video game director Andrzej Bartkowiak (Doom, Exit Wounds, Rome Must Die) have only done, well, more wrong. This time the story centers around Chun Li (Kristin Kreuk) and her quest for vengeance against Bison (Neal McDonough) for wrongs done against her family when she was a child.

What’s good about it: Nothing really. Yes Kristin Kreuk is impossibly hot, but unless you’re a huge fan of wirework stunts and cheesy martial arts flicks you won’t find much here.

What’s bad about it: Everything you could possibly imagine. The characters are shallow, the script is lazy, the direction is standard at best, and sadly they even leave room for a sequel. Not that it’s likely to get made.

Bottom Line: Don’t rent it. Don’t buy it. Don’t even look at the dvd. Well maybe look at the dvd. Kreuk is still amazing to look at. Which is why chose the pic above instead of the awful movie poster.

12 Rounds is essentially the same film as Die Hard 3. Protagonist (John Cena) kills someone close to antagonist, in this case by accident. Antagonist (Aiden Gillen) comes back years later to exact revenge by putting protagonist through a series of rigorous tests and “games” keeping the entire police force busy while antagonist steals truckloads of money.

What’s good about it: You guessed it, not much. Renny Harlin has never been bad at putting an action sequence together, and there are some decent ones here but nothing you haven’t seen before.

What’s bad about it: The wooden acting, derivative material, and uninspired direction.

Bottom Line: Be glad they didn’t rehire Harlin to direct Die Hard 3, because this is what we would have ended up with. If you’ve seen more than a few action movies, you’ve seen this film. Stay away. Very far away.

3.Tokyo!

Three talented directors (Michel Gondry, Jooh-ho Bong, Leos Carax) tell three very different stories all involving one city. Tokyo!

What’s good about it: Gondry’s segment “Interior Design” is beautifully shot and acted. It’s likely my favorite. Joon-ho Bong’s “Shaking Tokyo” is a quirky, fun, and atmospheric love story involving a junk collector and a pizza delivery girl.

What’s bad about it: Leos Carax’s “Merde” segment isn’t exactly bad, but it’s certainly the weakest link in the group. While it’s well shot, Merde, seems to try the patience of it’s viewers in the last act.

The Bottom Line: If you own a Blu-Ray player this is worth buying. It’s scenes of Tokyo as seen through the eyes of these directors are absolutely awesome.

In 1983 director John Badham was kinda bad ass. Not only did he give us the now semi-classic War Games with Matthew Broderick, but also the often forgotten Blue Thunder. Blue Thunder boasts a cast of Roy Scheider (Jaws), Daniel Stern (Diner), Warren Oates (Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia), Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange), and Candy Clark (The Man Who Fell to Earth). In the film Scheider plays Officer Frank Murphy an air support helicopter pilot who, in preparation for the upcoming Olympic games in Los Angeles, is chosen to test a new attack helicopter designed for crowd control. When Murphy and his partner Richard Lymangood (Daniel Stern) stumble on to the the nefarious plans of some local government officials and military personnel Murphy hijacks the helicopter in an attempt to set things straight. Malcolm McDowell is particularly slimy playing Col. Cochrane, and Warren Oates has some classic lines as Capt. Braddock. There is also an incredibly well shot street level helicopter chase toward the end of the film. Supposedly it’s the first one ever filmed. Thunder, scripted by Dan O’Bannon (Alien, Dead and Buried), is a solid 80′s action flick that you should all add to your Netflix Queue. Check out the trailer below.


* Blue Thunder releases on Blu-Ray August 11th. You can pick up here

If you’ve got an action movie that needs an awesome henchman Al Leong is your go to guy. He’s been in Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Big Trouble in Little China, Action Jackson, They Live. Seriously, he’s been in every action movie ever. Even if he wasn’t cast, he just shows up, and if you don’t give him a part he’ll hench your ass. Check out this Lifetime Achievement Award for Henching present by Rotten Tomatoes.
Check out Al Leongs IMDB page here.

I’ve just recently watched the Die Hard series in reverse order. Don’t ask why I watched them backwards. Because frankly, I’m not sure. It made me realize one thing. I want to see Die Hard 5, and damnit I want it on Christmas and I want Reginald Vel Johnson back. Earlier this year Bruce Willis reported to Empire magazine that he was interested in bringing McClane back to the big screen but only if they could do it in a timely fashion. I hope someone is hard at work on the script. What do you think?

Okay Bobcat probably won’t come to your house and punch you in the face, but I might if you don’t see this movie. Robin Williams is at his best in dark comedy. I’m not talking about the mangled mess that was Death to Smoochy. Think more along the lines of The World According to Garp, but darker. Bobcat Goldthwait directs this tale of a high school english teacher who fakes his son’s suicide note after an embarrassing accidental death. When the note becomes and unexpected hit he uses the opportunity to realize his dream of becoming a successful author. I love Goldthwait’s Shakes the Clown. Fuckin’Mimes! So I’m 100% in on this one. World’s Greatest Dad releases August 21st to select cities.

Chan-Wook Park’s amazing looking tale of a priest accidentally turned vampire will be releasing to select U.S. cities July 31st. Park is the man responsible for giving us the vengeance trilogy*, and if you haven’t seen those you’d better get off your ass. If early buzz is any indication Thirst might be Park’s best film to date. Check out the trailer below and make sure to get out and see it as soon as it hits your city.

* The vengeance trilogy is Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance.

It’s about damn time we got a trailer for Cold Souls. CS received a lot of positive internet buzz after it’s Sundance premiere despite a lukewarm reception from the judges. Paul Giamatti plays himself in this comedy with a tinge of science fiction. Stumbling upon an article in The New Yorker about a high-tech company that extracts, deep-freezes and stores people’s souls, Paul very well might have found the key to happiness for which he’s been searching. But, complications arise when he is the unfortunate victim of “soul-trafficking”. Sounds like fun to me. The film releases August 7th in NY and LA with a wider release in weeks to follow. Check out the trailer below.

This year is chock-full of intriguing horror films, most of which we in the U.S. probably won’t get to see in 2009. Some are American, some are international, and most are by first-time feature filmmakers. Here are a few that I can’t get out of my head:

Doghouse
In case you haven’t noticed, the British have really cornered the market on horror-comedies.
Their latest comes courtesy of Jake West, who directed 2005’s silly but underappreciated
horror/sci-fi Evil Aliens. That film was not without its flaws, but it was absurdly fun – dare I
say, Peter Jackson-esque. His follow-up Doghouse looks to be equally fun and gory, only this
time with better actors and a bigger budget. Danny Dyer (Severance) and Stephen Graham (This
Is England) headline this twisted take on battle-of-the-sexes. A group of men take a trip to a
remote village to escape their crazy girlfriends, but what they find is a town full of infected
women who have turned into man-hungry cannibals. It looks to be a bloody good time,
and a hilarious spoof of male-female relationships. Doghouse is currently playing in
UK theatres.

La Horde
Say what you want about the French, but they have given the world a lot – not the least of
which being kickass horror films. Frontière(s) director Xavier Gens is executive producer on this
apocalyptic zombie action/horror flick by first-time directors Benjamin Rocher and Yannick
Dahan. In a condemned Paris building, a group of corrupt cops faces off with gangsters just
as a horde of bloodthirsty zombies invades the building on a killing spree. Needless to say,
the cops and bad guys find a mutual enemy and must work together to survive. I love a good
siege-scenario film, and this one manages to incorporate cops, robbers, and zombies! All
during a Parisian apocalypse! Sign me up, please. La Horde opens in France this September.

Grace
I can summarize my excitement in two words: evil baby. As any fan of Braindead or It’s
Alive knows, creepy babies are great! In this feature debut from writer/director Paul Solet,
young mother Madeline (Jordan Ladd, Cabin Fever) loses her baby in the womb but insists on
carrying it to term. Upon birth, the child miraculously comes to life but with one unfortunate

side effect – a thirst for human blood. Now, Madeline will do whatever is necessary to keep her
baby alive. If this moral conflict sounds familiar, you’re probably thinking of 1986’s Little Shop
of Horrors. Now replace the Audrey II with your own newborn baby and imagine how fucked up
that scenario is! Needless to say, Grace is sure to be one disturbing and thought-provoking film.
The movie is currently making the rounds on the festival circuit with no official release date yet.

Teeth of the Night (Vampire Party)
Sadly, good vampire films are hard to come by. While I don’t expect the silly vamps in Teeth of the Night to be the badass variety I love, I would gladly settle for a fang-tastic (har har) comedy. In this French farce, a group of friends are invited to an exclusive mansion party, only to discover their hosts are vampires and that they are on the menu. Hilarity no doubt ensues as they band together to survive until dawn. Alternatively known as Vampire Party, this comedy draws surprising inspiration from films like Airplane! and Spaceballs. With any luck, debut directors Stephen Cafiero and Vincent Lobelle might give the British some competition on the horror-comedy front. Teeth of the Night was released in France in August 2008, but has no U.S. release date as of yet.

The Thaw
While most evidence suggests this film will be crap, I can’t help but look forward to it. When global warming defrosts a buried woolly mammoth in the Arctic, a deadly parasite is unleashed upon some ecology students. The Thaw looks like the lovechild of Slither and The Thing. If it’s half as good as either of those movies, then it ought to be worth a watch. And it has Val Kilmer in it! He plays a former eco-terrorist out to prove the horrors of global warming. The movie will obviously have a pro-green agenda, which I am fine with so long as it’s not preachy and stupid. It couldn’t possibly be worse than The Last Winter, right? Hopefully not. I am truly a sucker for parasite horror, no matter how crappy. The Thaw has no U.S. release date as of now.

Trick R Treat
This is truly the holy grail of modern horror films. It was indefinitely trapped in movie purgatory until a recent announcement that it will be released on DVD and a limited theatrical run this October. Michael Dougherty’s debut feature is a horror anthology with five interwoven stories all occurring on Halloween night in the same neighborhood. The film is sure to please the Halloweenaholics among us who can’t get enough of the holiday and all those nostalgic feelings it brings. It is also a throwback to classic spook-fests like “Tales From The Crypt” and Creepshow since each story bears a twisted lesson. As a plus, the film boasts genre favorites like Dylan Baker and Brian Cox. All the buzz around Trick R Treat has been extremely favorable, and therefore has teased me to no end. Fortunately, for me, Halloween comes twice this year.

Mutants<
Yes, another French film. In director David Morlet’s feature debut, the world is devastated with a pandemic that is turning human beings into cannibalistic mutants. Marco and his pregnant wife Sonia hide at a secret base until Marco is attacked and becomes contaminated, too. As he slowly turns into a zombie, Sonia must accept that the man she loves is soon to become her biggest enemy. Morlet’s choice to portray the transformation as slow and painful is refreshing for a zombie film, and sure to make for emotional storytelling. Visually, the film resembles the gritty and realistic 28 Days Later – the style is overused now, but still effective. Mutants was released in May 2009 in France, but has no U.S. release date yet.

Alright guys make sure to tell Heather how much you love her so she’ll come back and write more for us. In the mean time you can check out Heather’s site here. She’s got a great review of Who can Kill a Child up right now. Oh, and I’m absolutely psyched for West’s Doghouse. If you haven’t seen Razor Blade Smile or the very mean spirited over the top Evil Aliens they are two films you should add to your netflix queue right now.